Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
