On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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