My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
