yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
