...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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