haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
His hands were made for my vagina.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
me + whiskey = a bad person
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
