used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
