You can't special order awesome
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
