fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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