she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I need a beard to bite.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize