yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize