yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
