I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Randomize
