ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
