Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
