Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
