Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize