I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
