this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
