I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
It's never too late to be topless.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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