Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
