You're my little dorito
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
