names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Come share oat with me in your robe
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
