Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
don't judge my taste in strippers
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
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