More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
