I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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