I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize