so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Randomize
