Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
