heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
