So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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