I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Randomize
