hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
