Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
