I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
