The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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