How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
