I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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