Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
