AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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