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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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