You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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