Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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