After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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