So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Congratulations! We have a period
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
