Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
