No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
