I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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