Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i dont even know how to be here
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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