i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
17 year olds will be the death of me.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Randomize
