this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
