Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm just crazy horny about you
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
