he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
