I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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