I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I just found a bag of teeth...
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
