Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize