I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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