Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
