just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i will never coherently bang her
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
