You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
