he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize