My sheets look like a crime scene.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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