I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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