Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
