he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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