I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
