Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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