im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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