I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
