I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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