Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
