Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
