did you get engaged???
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Randomize
