i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize