yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Farmville is her only friend.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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