You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
