I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
