I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
