I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
