Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Do vagina's smell?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
