so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
