i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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