I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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