the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
