she was so not down for the gang bang
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize