You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Randomize
