it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
