That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
