even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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