We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
