His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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