we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
