Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
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