I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
