ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
