I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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