she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
