I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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