"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
