Whats the count minus fat chicks?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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