The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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