Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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