your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
