I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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