i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
