you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
