(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
