So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
