Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
