Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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