So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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