Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
