I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You're like the curious george of whores
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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