I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
