So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
high people should be assigned attendants
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
