i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
We smell like vodka and hangover
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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