Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Those nachos came to me in a dream
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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