I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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