I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
