I'm pants shitting drunk right now
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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