I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
