Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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