Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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