it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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