Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
