I can tuck mytits in my pants
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Randomize
