Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
